I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
