I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
