Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
this will be a night to untag.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
