new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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