if i can run in heels then i can drive
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
