I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My breasts were aching with rage.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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