i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
