Cold hands, warm shart.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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