That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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