and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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