omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
