Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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