Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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