So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize