don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
