At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
