Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
