As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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