This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I got inside last night via doggy door
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
