My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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