I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
