I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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