It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
