saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
