We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My vagina just recognized that song.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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