Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
