Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
