he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
