so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
