Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
