um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
