Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
