i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
