I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
