My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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