Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
