I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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