I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
