Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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