i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize