3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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