No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
