Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
