Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
