So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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