she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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