My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
