I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
