ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
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And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
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And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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