whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
