Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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