my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
