Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
