Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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