Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
