I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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