I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
