I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
