2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
