So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wish i was in the wii world.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
