3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
