I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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