i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
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She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
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If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize