Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
