If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
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what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
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I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
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