I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
