I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
