Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
