I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
