I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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