did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize