Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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