She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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