I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
