It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think your dad took our porno
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
